i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
