I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
