literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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