found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
