Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
