He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the day after is always just damage control
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize