i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
