You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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