i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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