i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
