u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
