Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
