he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
