they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
