I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
