Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
