I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
