I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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