first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Acid is not a monday night drug
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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