Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
