You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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