apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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