I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
me + whiskey = a bad person
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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