What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
