He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
