i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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