i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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