So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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