I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
