He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
