Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
