I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
