Did you just see the Batmobile???
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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