Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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