You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
