My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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