my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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