of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
