just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
