I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need to calm my uterus...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
