guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
