Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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