That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All I want is dick and wine.
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