pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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