I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
