I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize