And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize