I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
