sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm getting married
To pizza
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
