i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
