Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I looked at my own cervix.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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