Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
