no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
