Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
