so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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