dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
