watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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