I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
