I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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