can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
