Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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