I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she peed on how many people?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
