He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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