I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize