I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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