This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
