Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
