she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
