did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize