Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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