College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Less talking, more tequila
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
