Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
