I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
