he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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