how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize