so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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