So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Ladies don't puke and tell
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
