Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
jump out the window naked night went bad
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
