Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just invented taco cereal.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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