I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize