So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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