the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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