I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
