i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
