I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
