Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
