What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
