I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
