She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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