i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
