We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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