i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize