So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
