pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I believe in your delicious
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
